Rainbow Rolling on the Route: 5 Rules for Improving Your Rock Gym Experience


I am thinking about how we do not play as much as we need to, and also how when we do play we make it boring by introducing too many rules. I love the rock gym, and I would like to propose a method of making the rock gym even more fun.

Today, I am at the rock gym. Everyone is happy; however, everyone is playing this game called “The Route.” The official rules of The Route state you must be absolutely certain that you only touch on the same color of “rockie thingie.”  The game, The Route, may have too many rules. It has also been accused of being racist.

I am watching several people are standing around like an REI road crew watching the guy on the wall so they can get on The Route after he falls off.  There is duck tape on sticking on the little rockie thingies. The duck tape indicates the various levels of awesomeness on a scale of V0 to V10. V0 indicating you are not as hot as sriracha, and V10 indicating you have more instafollowers than the son of an Arab oil tycoon. Do not include alternatively colored rockie thingies in your V10 climb. If you do, you have to go to rock gym jail without collecting 200 followers.

So all these wonderful rules provides a super-backdrop for celebration. Just like the joy of  picking up your middle schooler blasting The Flight of the Valkyries with super bass, the joy of deviating from The Route in front of a bunch of people with fancy camping jackets is consummate.

So here is my new game. Its called Rainbow Rolling. The Rigid rules of Rainbow Rolling are as follows

  1. You may only touch a rockie thingie if it looks like the most fun rockie thingie to touch next.
  2. You may not form opinions of other people based on the Vscale
  3. You must immediately get off the wall and practice handstands as soon as that becomes more interesting
  4. You must take at least 4 shameless selfies with cute guys in the background. If you take 6 you get extra points.
  5. You should forget your chalk bag and confidently tell that cute guy whom you have recently made instafamous, thank you, but you do not need chalk because it makes the rockie thingies more slippery.
  6. This is not a rule, but you should also at some point lay on your back in the middle of the floor…. just to let everyone know that you do -in fact- own the place.

So that is it: a simple 5 ruled game for making awesome more awesomer. Come play with me. I am more funner!


What do you think?